Tuesday, May 27, 2014

A Family Affair (Or, Fun with eBay Feedback)

We all know that Harriet gets free books from publishers.  And we all know, by now, that someone at the Klausner home is selling these books on half.com under her son's name.

If you're familiar with the eBay/half.com feedback system, you know that sellers can respond to feedback.  Someone in Klausnerland has done so many times.  Let's look at some examples, shall we?  (Feedback pages are dynamic so click on the links to see screenshots.)

Did you know that no one in the Klausner household reads?

Buyer says: AWESOME BOOK!!! Arrived Quick and in Great Condition!!
eric_k1979's response: thanks - the "prime" family reader enjoyed that novel

Methinks the quotation marks should have been around "reader," not "prime"...

Harriet is not only a "reader" (or "rader" or "reder" or however she's spelling it these days), she's also a "book lover" (apparently three times in a row).

Buyer says: INSTANT delivery, great packaging, book in mint condition-thanks!
eric_k1979's response: you got it already -wow - mint because my family's prime reader is a book lover

No, it's "mint" because it was never opened.

Someone has a creepy sense of humor.

Buyer says: fine, upstanding young seller, the kind I want to marry my daughter
eric_k1979's response: Sorry –late in responding due to school. How old is your daughter? Only kidding

Buyer, if you only knew...

Looks like Stanley is eager to get the books out of the house.

Buyer says: Lowest price new or as-new book. Must have shipped it instantly. Recommended!
eric_k1979's response: My dad drives past the main Atlanta area post office - saves at least 2 days

So the whole family is complicit in this scheme, is that what you're saying?

Do we detect a bit of hostility regarding Hattie's housekeeping skills?

Buyer says: FAST shipping!! thanks so much! great seller! book is in mint condition.
eric_k1979's response: thanks -most are brand new but I lower rating due to poor storage facility

Poor storage facility, indeed.

Oops, looks like Hattie spilled RELISH on the package.

Buyer says: exceeded expectations!! oh...<g>...packaging smelled like a deli...only outside
eric_k1979's response: My dad packed it for me as I was at school; he has no sense of smell. Enjoy
Buyer replies: This us what makes this "business" a real joy!!...Dad's are good!!

I wonder what other senses Stanley has lost over the years?

It's all about saving money at the Klausner home.

Buyer says: Book in excellent condition. Thanks! It's tacky to reuse envelopes though.
eric_k1979's response: Agree- I'm just a student so need to keep expenses down even reusing packages

Getting all your inventory for free is another way to keep expenses down!

Did frantic "reading" and "reviewing" cause Hattie to neglect a hole in the roof?

Buyer says: Sale cancelled due to water damaged book but I was informed immediately.
eric_k1979's response: I apologize - but I still cannot figure out how that box got wet.

Because I really, really want to maintain the illusion I have created that the "wet" substance was water.

Got some problems telling the truth, do we?

Buyer says: The book arrived in excellent condition. Looks brand new. Thank you very much.
eric_k1979's response: Thank you - book read once by a book lover; that is why I sell at like new

book jacket copy mangled read once by a book hater lover (There, I fixed that for you.  You can thank me later.)

Ooh, he wavers.

eric_k1979's response: Thank you - I think the book was read once by a book lover who hates even folds

You *think* the book was read once.  Right.  And I *think* that Nigerian prince who sent me that e-mail really has millions of dollars to give me.  All I need to do is provide a bank account number!

Oops, did someone rely on Harriet's "review" before purchasing a book, then find out the book was a stinker?

Buyer says: Very reputable seller.
eric_k1979's response: thank you - I am truly am sorry about the book - my mom said it is great

99.7+% of ALL books get 4 or 5 stars from HK.  Buyer beware!

Let's worry about packaging...

Buyer says: Careful packaging and fast shipping.
eric_k1979's response: thank you - packaging is the only part of the sales that still concerns me

But who cares about ethics?

I'd share more, but I've just paged through 100+ pages of eBay feedback.  That's quite enough for one day.

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