Sunday, September 30, 2012

Two Harriets/Dueling Dual Identities

Will the real Harriet Klausner please stand up? 

The following profile for Fraud Hattie was written in June, 2003:

Harriet Klausner, Amazon #1 Reviewer
 In My Own Words: 
“I was born and raised in europe.  I came to the states 12 years ago and I love it!  I am an editor for an underground newspaper and am always on the lookout for something new, fresh and fun.  My favorite books are Flowers for Algernon byDaniel Keys and The Devil’s Apocrypha by John De Vito.  My favorite films are The Crow and The Matrix.”

This profile was created and posted in the United Kingdom years after she created her American profile.  Below is a side-by-side comparison with her American information:

How is it that these two Harriets are one and the same?

1.     American Harriet was Amazon’s No. 1 Reviewer in 2003
European Harriet’s Profile in 2003 includes the words 
“Amazon #1 Reviewer” - not factual for Europe.

2.     European Harriet reviewed the book “The Devil’s Apocrypha”.
American Harriet reviewed the book “The Devil’s Apocrypha”.

3.     Both reviews are identical.

4.     American Harriet’s wish list contains the book “The Devil’s Apocrypha.”

Harriet posted only one book review under her UK profile—“The Devil’s Apocrypha”.

Harriet has created a second profile on which is identical to her profile on Amazon.  While no comparison was made to the books she has reviewed on Amazon, she has rated only a few books in England compared to the 27,987 she’s reviewed on Amazon and her reviewer ranking is very low.  She quit posting reviews to this account in 2007.

Weird?  Bizarre?  Creepy?  Call the FBI?


Friday, September 21, 2012

Authors Diss on Harriet

Authors Diss on Harriet

All quotes have been verified, taken from the authors’ webpages, blogs, and group discussion strings.  Each quote has been confirmed to be that of an authentic, published author of books.*

“a very sloppy and inaccurate reviewer”

“all she had to do was read the back blurb, the promo material, and one or two lines of the actual book)”

“Anyone willing to point to extremely good or extremely bad reviews of their work?  Harriet Klausner doesn’t count!”

“As for WTF, well, Harriet Klausner reviewed my book.

“famous for making huge errors in her reviews.”

“Harriet Klausner annoys me because her reviews are ‘puff’ without any real insight.”

“Harriet Klausner makes all book reviewers look bad and her reviews are total crap”

“Harriet Klausner strikes again. . .  she does seem to have misremembered the spellings of the character names a tad”

“I can't profess to fully understand what was written in that review or why it sounds like it was dictated to a drunken Swede”

“I hope I never ‘get Klausnered’."

“I love that Klausner, really I do — but I often find the same thing, that she’s been um, imprecise on some of the details”

“I personally find her reprehensible

I just read her review on Barnes&, for my latest Victorian Romance, released two days ago, but and she has the plot all wrong. No way could she have read the book. I appreciate the five stars, …”

“I suggest that you do not build expectations for [*book name*] upon her final paragraph of this review”

“I think she's kind of funny.”

“I would, however, like to correct some misleading information in her review.  . . . To suggest that she doesn't is simply not true.  . . .  This oversimplification of the plot doesn't do justice to the book.  . . .  I felt the need however to correct some misinformation that could lead to moral judgements that would simply be untrue.”

“I’ve already been Klausnered.  As usual, she gets some of the details wrong (for values of “some”, that means ‘most’)”

“if she ever reviews one of my books, I'll know to hit the ignore or giggle button”

“Ignore the poor sentence construction, grammar, detours from the actual plot and so on”

“I'm not sure where the number 13 came from. Maybe the pack grew when I wasn't looking”

“I'm the author and I agree. This thing is like a google translation from another language. Wish they'd get rid of it”

“it contains major spoilers that I think will harm the experience of reading the book”

“it will be written by someone with some professional reviewing qualifications--as opposed to, for instance, Harriet Klausner.

“It’s a pretty standard Klausner review, which means spoilers, strange details that don’t completely match the book, and one or two spots where she tries too hard to be clever.”

“it’s got all the crunchy goodness you've come to expect from a Klausner review, from illogical sentences in badly translated English, to spoilers.”

“Klausner is kind of like the first robin of spring.  Her song might be a little off-key after the long winter”

“Klausner just rewords.”

“Ms. Klausner, for God's sake! I'd appreciate the 5-star rating more if I thought you'd actually read the book..”

“she called my character an exotic dancer and pretty much made it look like she was turning tricks on the side. That’s so the opposite of the storyline I’m appalled.

“She gave 5 stars to possibly the worst book I ever read -- it was virtually unreadable”

“she gave away plot twists that were intended to shock the hell out of readers.”

“she got the title of my book wrong in my last review from her.

“She just has some pathological need to be ‘famous’.”

“She posts anything up to six reviews a day.  Which would be irrelevant if her reviews were in any way insightful or even useful.”

“she reviews a, um, suspiciously high number of books every day, and–well, Google her if you’re interested. I’m just amused.”

“Sometimes her reviews are so off base I'm stunned they are posted at all”

“Sometimes she gives a lot of spoilers, and sometimes she hasn't read the same book you wrote”

“That’s lying and it’s dishonorable (*cough*HarrietKlausner*Cough*),”

“the "reviewer" didn't bother to read my story and appears to be doing a Harriet Klausner.”

“the multitude of errors in her ‘reviews’, along with the sheer number of them, made it obvious that she skimmed at best, read back cover copy at worst, and apparently confused one book for another (given the number of wildly inaccurate plot details)

“There are bad reviews and then there’s Harriet.  I’ve had several (one with a spoiler that almost made my head explode) but I’ve never had one quite this … special.”

“There’s the usual (possibly slightly incoherent) one from Harriet Klausner.”

“this review (posted on November 17) contains no new information and several huge mistakes.”

“This shouldn't happen.  This kind of ‘reviewing’ is dishonest, it devalues all reader reviews and makes a mockery of the whole process.”

“to get what I mean, all she had to do was read the back blurb, the promo material, and one or two lines of the actual book”


“What's a formic? According to, it means ‘of or pertaining to ants.’ There are no ants in my story. . . .

And all I can say is WTF????”

“When I see her reviews, I ignore them, because in my humble opinion, they are meaningless.”

“why does Amazon continue to support/acknowledge such a clearly impossible performance”

*Authors’ names and references have not been included in order to protect their right to privacy.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Hattie's votes

Dona asked about tracking Hattie's helpful votes and I posted this in the comments on another thread and thought I'd post it here too.

          Total   Helpful/%   Not Helpful/%
Jan      1044    506  48%    538  52%
Feb       599    423  71%    176  29%
March   730    509  70%    221  30%
April     730    514  70%    216  30%
May      733    485  66%    248  34%
June     646    374  58%    272  42%
July      617    358  58%    259  42%
August  583    310  53%    273  47%

Please note that January had the Mass Effect review with 4 of 312 helpful.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Are the rules different for Fraud Hattie?

This is something that I’ve wanted to discuss for some time now. We now have a new group of great posters here so I thought I'd throw these questions out here for some other opinions?

In the previous discussion on the deleted comments thread, it was pointed out that Hattie can post just about anything she wants to while others have their reviews rejected. My question is, are the rules for posting in reviews different for Hattie than anyone else? Opinions?

The other thing that’s been bugging me for a long time now is Hattie Fan Voting. Here’s a little history of what I’ve noticed:

Long after I became a neg fan of Hattie’s and could no longer vote, she puked out 60 or so fake reviews and when I went in to hack them apart, I noticed that almost all of them had a pozzie? These fake reviews could not have been out there for more than an hour or 2 so I thought they would go away as whoever put them out there was the same person and would become a fan. Not, they all stuck.  So, having witnessed that, I thought that I would try a neg or 2 and see if they stuck, they did not. I tried this again after about 6 months and after hitting the refresh key, it looked like the votes counted. But, I looked back a few minutes later and they were gone. So, I waited again, a few months, tried again, only this time, I accidentally hit the helpful button, BAD BAD BUCK! And when I hit refresh, the vote was still there. For some reason, the pozzie stuck and it would not let me take it back by voting unhelpful (I think that there was one other person that mentioned this same thing a few weeks ago?). So, like a dummy, trying to see if I voted on a few more I would become a positive fan and they would all disappear? NOT, they all stuck and they are still there (it irks me to no end that I might have pushed up her ranking with the pozzies). So, theorizing that if you become a neg fan, you can still give pozzies? I picked a reviewer that I didn’t like much and voted unhelpful enough to become a negative fan. The next day, all of my negs were gone. I tried to vote pozzie and they did not take. Theory shot down. That got me to thinking again, if I become a pozzie fan, can I still vote neg? Not! I tried the reverse on a different reviewer and I still could not post neg or pozzie.

So, here’s my question, are the rules different for Hattie, can anyone vote pozzie all they want on Hattie's fake reviews without becoming a fan? Or, if you become a neg Hattie fan, you can become a turncoat and vote pozzie till the end of time on Hattie’s fake reviews?

It sure looks to me that there are special rules just for Hattie and her fake shill reviews. Opinions?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Hattie and her fascination with Private Parts

Start of new crap 10/17

she can be who she wants especially with Collin Hart, whose pubic hairs have been shaved because of blowing bubbles and from the same fake review Joyce can take notes while she entices her lover's blood to be 100 percent inside his unthinking head and from the same fake review There are three ultra hot erotic romances that star interesting somewhat taciturn females chucking their inhibitions for one night of tucking, sucking and "" with hunky players link
Karo's triangle between the British hunk haunting her heart and the S&M spiritual expert advising her how to use her vagina makes for a lighthearted fun frolic link
end of new crap 10/17
Start of new crap 10/8

His plan is simple; hide his sexual needs from Jordan for as long as possible so that maybe they will bond before his lower head takes command of his body. link

The next to die is politician Victoria Heinerback crucified in her bed with a copy of the Koran partially shoved up her vagina. link

he thinks he better make up his mind as Connie has his heart and upper head, but Deandra owns his lower head link

Soon the siblings compete as rivals trying to out pleasure each other by winning Jake's special rewards especially vying for his undivided lower head attention. link

The three goddesses conclude that the fighting is all about male penises, the prime organ in man's superego And, in the same fake review the only way to get him to stop fighting is occupy his penis with a woman who will keep the blood rage from turning him into a berserker warrior. link

This is a fun travelogue as Mr. Horowitz' enthusiasm and energy add to the enjoyment; quoting Mr. Wuhl: "I shit you not". link

Anya kisses Lucien and tells him she wants his penis. link

This is an engaging lighthearted farcical Noir look at the nastier side of Japan through the eyes of a beguiling rascal who can be summed up by his self deprecating observation that women see his penis as a lobster fest link

Concerned over how easily her two male companions have been sexually entranced, Jewel goes deep undercover to end the siren enchantment of sexual harassment that leaves pathetic men like Clay and Randy thinking with their lower heads and women stars of the grope. link

Carmen keeps placing her big beautiful body around him leading to all his blood clotting in his lower head link

End of new crap 10/8
Start of new crap 10/4

However, practical sex education with her peers from both genders looks so yesterday when she wants to go monogamous with big Ben, but only if she gains his heart as much as his penis link

Bets occur over who will end up with whose penis link

He suffers third degree burns that are so painful he decides that the recovery is not worth it as he believes even coke will fail him especially since he accidentally poured bourbon on his crotch just before the crash; thus turning the alcohol into an accelerant that made his penis into a candle that the nurse has since disposed of as medical waste. And, from the same fake review: Her details of a long time ago convince the former porn star she is genuine although he wonders if losing his penis cost him his head. link

William feels like he has three (his natural hardened sword) and often four (his metallic sword) legs link

When he overhears their locker room style jokes about him being a girlie, Linc wonders if he lost his penis. link

whether it is penis harassment or penal coding she never loses it link

This is a fabulous erotic late Regency romance starring an interesting unique lead female who uses men as her tool and fool until Jasper turns her concept of the male having all thoughts in the lower head upside down link

The lead couple is a delightful pairing as Roxie goes all out to seduce Nick, but though he has a permanent hard on for her, he refuses to let the lower head do his thinking especially while working a murder investigation link

His upper head is embarrassed by his sexual musing, but the libido of his lower head is rock solid link

End of new crap 10/4

start of new crap 9/28

who discovers the ecstasy of first hand (tongue, etc) vaginal research link
a twice divorced mother of two (Tag and Jordie) at the bar she works as her first ex says in a "tits for tips" job link
His confident since early puberty is his stand erect penis who always talks back link

She does no care about revising her dead marriage as she knows it collapsed due to her cheating spouse's wandering penis link
Unlike his partner wallowing in the piss past link

unless he can overcome his lower head need for his new Mistress link
as he rides with more blood in his lower head than his upper head link

He goes to the bar and abducts her; taking her into the San "Bernfuckadino" Mountains. link

end of new crap 9/28

start of new crap 9/27

This may be the worst one yet:

Over the top of Telegraph Hill, make that Coit Tower as being more symbolic, these heated novellas star experienced women who make the penises of men salivate. OURS FOR THE NIGHT contains three equatorial hot erotic tales that can be summed up by Noelle's friend Isabel who suggests she try bukkake with five to six men jacking off on her naked body instead of vanilla ice cream. Fans of erotica that run the gamut will enjoy spending the night with these courtesans. link

Not for everyone but more than just for those penis envy wanting to play the Game link

His head tells him to keep going as no good deed goes unpunished; but his lower head wins the debate link

SASHA is a terrific lead character struggling with the hostilities while also being a cock-sure combatant link

The story line is fast-paced from the opening scene when he rescues her and she accuses him of the "penis-eye thing" and never looks back (pun intended). link

She and her new BFFs (the profanity queen and the retired porn star) bring humorous withering condemnations of Southern California especially men who think with their lower head like Xander. link

This one is so bad, I put the entire fake review in here (and I thought the other one was the worst):
In Phoenix half-breed Dr. Kiera Matthews meets with diminutive Council member Danen to argue that it past time for the Cunts to go for peace with the Klatch. A quarter of a century ago the clan split into civil war and now the Cunts hide amongst humans with Kiera their only medical practitioner. He calls her a traitor just like her purebred mom; irate she kicks his butt in with moves she learned from her human military father.

The stranger watches her take out the arrogant counselor and his two guards. He applauds her skills even as she never believed in love at first sight, but now accepts lust at first sight. Ryan is the Prince of Klatch and recognizes Kiera as his mate, the Healer who will bring the divided clan back together, which is her life goal dedicated to her late mom. As a being who thrives on sexual energy, he knows she is the one because his dreams have changed from dark hair to a specific blonde. However, though she relishes the heights of passion he brings to her, she has doubts that a Halfbreed can be destiny's darling for the Klatch and the Cunts.

The third "Seduction" erotic romantic science fiction (see VISIONS OF SEDUCTION and CEREMONY OF SEDUCTION) is a terrific thriller with some paranormal elements enhancing the exciting story line. The lead couple is a delightful pairing in and out of the boudoir as they feed off of each other while also encouraging one another. Readers will be seduced by Cassie Ryan's enticing sexual healing (Marvin Gaye style) "Seduction" science fiction saga. link

end of new crap 9/27

Found a couple more:

These three fun erotic novellas are tied together by undergarments and plenty of sex although the story lines are thin (except for the lead males' lower heads. link

Toni is a fascinating protagonist who has Grey wrapped around her finger with a string tied to his penis link

Just thought I'd put these all in one place.

Found a few more:

even Mr. Johnson tells him to take it easy on his lower head link

Although the plot is much thinner than Dierk's full blooded lower head link

These are three entertaining heated eroticas with diverse fully developed women and men who are one dimensional - penis only. link

The latest Wells' spy thriller is more a whodunit except for the penis envy testosterone wars between the American spy agencies Link

Well written, Sexaholics is an entertaining erotica that focuses on the destructiveness of being out of control when 24/7 your vagina controls your brain Link

but that brazened beauty keeps him thinking with his lower head link

Now his former ménage partners (Amber and Luke) persuade Jay to come to the Dusky Doll because he remains hard (heart and penis) at the thought of Beverly link

Still those who do not suffer from penis envy or puke at the sight of vomit will laugh at this dark slapstick horror thriller link
end of new stuff.

However, except for the obvious bulge of his lower head, he conceals the toys he plans to use with his guest Link

Insatiable is an entertaining erotic paranormal starring three underdeveloped (except in the males' lower heads) protagonists Link

He knows to keep his distance and use his upper brain, but he cannot as all his blood is flowing within his lower head Link

While Marcus seeks swords, Cithrin dressed as a boy with his first moustache and a "swinging penis" Link

perhaps puking once or twice on his lower head would have brought realism to the lusty encounters Link

Raylene meets the brother Adrian, a former SEAL turned drag queen with no obvious place to tuck in his lower head Link

she wants intimacy with him and he cannot stop the blood flow to his lower head Link

Driving the carriage under the influence led to an accident that left Walfort a paraplegic unable to move his legs and as he informs Ainsley his penis Link

Even with the BDSM encounters preoccupying his lower head, Wade leaves some blood in his upper head as he never loses sight of his missions to win Sarah's heart (he has her vagina) and to end a predator's terrorizing of his beloved Sub Link

The satirical urban fantasy lampoons testosterone heroes as they get into a penis contest to determine who the female amongst them is Link
He knows to keep his distance but cannot while fearing his lower head may cost the case. Link

In San Francisco, Alice O'Brien lost her secretarial job for failing to understand sucking her boss' penis is major duty number one. Link

He walks outside onto a beach to get away from super-powered a-holes, but the object of his penis follows him Link

her protector Uncle Danny sexually abuses his seven year old niece Alessa by placing his fingers into her vagina Link

Ines, recently having found a love note in his briefcase, assumes his office emergency is for his lower head as they have not slept tighter in a month or so Link

Raymond rationalizes her dumping him without warning as a "penis panic" attack on her part Link

believes she lack a key element in obtaining the position: a penis. Link

Christian and Mrs. Smith are fully-developed (beyond just his lower head) Link

The story line is thin (except for Mark's lower head) Link

none of the characters are full blooded except for the males' lower heads Link

Jake is an immature individual who thinks with his lower head only Link

except for the lower heads of the two Doms) Link

Dane pledges to his partners he will not use his penis with their clients Link

enjoy sexual pleasures especially during the full moon ritual when their second lower head sprouts Link

Harry can only think with his lower head Link

The key to this engaging love fest is that the lead trio is each full blooded and not just in the engorged penises Link

The lead pair is an intriguing coupling as Alexei's hardened heart is superseded by his hardened lower head Link

thus she must work his lower head Link

though his lower head argues with his upper head Link

The full blooded (not just the lower head) cast makes these two enjoyable erotic romances; as Maya Banks makes the MFM relationships seem real even with a blue-blooded penis while Lauren Dane provides a "Delicious" BDSM romance. Link

Though sexual views seem antiquated yet ironically timely with the Vagina War Link

the three males (including a current BF) competing for the title of "Master of Her Vagina" Link

Mr. Heinlein would have enjoyed mocking vagina politics Link

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Harriet: Epitome of the Current Fake Review Ethic

The whole point of Amazon customer reviews is that they are supposed to be the unsolicited opinions of disinterested amateurs. (A quote from Iain Manson, the No Hoper).

Harriet Klausner is neither unsolicited nor disinterested and she is not an amateur. She is a reviewer who is paid by the publishing industry, receives free books in exchange for good reviews, or free advance copies, all of which she is supposed to disclose. Do you see that disclaimer anywhere? Of course not, because she WANTS you to believe that she is your ordinary reader just like you and me. The new ethic in today's world of reviewing is that reviewers don't have to read the books they review, in spite of the consumer's belief that a reviewer has read the book. In fact, reviewers argue that because they don't have to read the books they review, they aren't required to SAY they read the book. Yeah, and I'm a carpenter--I've just never used any tools or built anything.

Harriet posted 45 bogus reviews overnight, all of which were 4 stars or higher.  In the last 11 years she has posted 27,784 reviews, averaging 6.5 to 7 books fake read and fake reviewed every day of the week, every week of the year.  She is employed as a paid staffer for the Washington Times, Baryon, Porthole Cruise Magazine, Affaire de Coeur, and I Love a Mystery; is an advance reader for Double Day, a print editor for Painted Rock, and a resident scholar of; she is a member of many more online reviewing consortiums; she owns and operates two of her own websites.  She makes an untold number of $$ from reselling her free advance copies of books back to other booksellers.  She has skillfully packaged herself so that she is an invaluable marketing tool to publishers, authors, and Amazon while duping unsuspecting readers like you and I.

If you have any doubt about whether or not she reads the books she reviews, just go back to a review of a book AFTER you've read it to see how much she gets wrong and how much she leaves out. Then google her. She is a notorious fake.

Klausner is incapable of telling the truth because she is consumed with several things: being on the top of the heap, being famous, and making lots of dishonest money.

Her reviews devalue all reader reviews and she thumbs her nose at the entire process with help from Amazon. Readers everywhere should be insulted by this fraudulent activity.

It's time for a call to arms.