Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What’s up with Harriet Klausner??

Our old friend Vic Mikunas revisits the topic, asking what's up with our Goddess.
On March, 29, 2007 I wrote a blog post here titled THE MYSTERIOUS HARRIET KLAUSNER. That was over 4 years ago. Over the past week there have been a couple of hundred page views of that particular post. Weird? I wonder what’s up with Harriet? ...
C'mon, Vick! What could be up with Our Lady of Fauxreview? You know what's up — nothing's up! She's fat and happy and undaunted and churnin' out her perky burbling blurbs every bit as unstoppably as before, five stars guaranteed!

OT: Dear Reader, you won't believe the requests we're getting at times! But for the love of Christ we won't ridicule such people by making their imbecilities public, but we will give this charitable piece of advice to them: please read the blog before forwarding your pleas to help you with a review from our Goddess. Please give us the courtesy of learning what we're about before telling us what you think we could help you with. (And then, of course, why would we presume to believe that the Queen of Fraud needs or will heed our inferior suggestions about what she should review? She takes no guidance from the lowly. Like Berthold said, "That's why he's a baron, and I'm a prole".)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Klausner posts same review twice, under different names

First time I see that. Here Harriet posted two absolutely identical reviews, first time as Harriet Klausner and then as "A Romance Reader". Both times five stars (no surprises here). It's a great way to increase a book's average rating, of course... How many more sock-puppet accounts does she have, I wonder?

Anyway, here's a shapshot (just in case the original page gets changed; click to see normal size; I did shrink it a bit to fit on screen, but it's readable though):

Harriet busts through 300 reviews a month limit

Thanks to poster Guy the Gorilla we now have another update of Klausner stats for the last half a year.
Guy the Gorilla says:
Congratulations Harriet - I never thought I'd live to see it, but you came through with a last day mini-surge and upped your already prolific tally for the month to an amazing 301 "reviews" of books you could not possibly have read for the month of April. It has been a banner month - you must have truly had a case of Spring Fever - I can think of no other explanation for this vintage performance - other than the kickback payola checks from the publishers of the mass market paperbacks you favor.

To put this month's efforts in perspective, let's review Harriet's more recent output:

228 "reviews" of books she could not possibly have read in September 2010
296 "reviews" of books she could not possibly have read in October 2010
187 "reviews" of books she could not possibly have read in November 2010
192 "reviews" of books she could not possibly have read in December 2010
185 "reviews" of books she could not possibly have read in January 2011
229 "reviews" of books she could not possibly have read in February 2011
204 "reviews" of books she could not possibly have read in March 2011
301 "reviews" of books she could not possibly have read in April 2011

I'm glad you finally broke through the 300 barrier at this time. Because Harriet, I must congratulate you for something else. I officially surrender. I cannot keep up with you. I cannot think of any new jokes or comments to amuse myself or my sister Gwynneth the Gorilla, who still lurks on these pages as well, that hasn't been repeated in one variation or another at least a hundred times by now. I am bored with you. You're just not funny to me anymore. I am tired of you and your garbled English and your sub-genres and your silly Defense Squad. Someone else will have to pick up the standard and carry on the good fight in the trenches for a while - I am spent. Perhaps I will check in from time to time - especially to monitor your progress towards the fabled 25,000 career "reviews" of books you have not read (you are up to 24, 420 and closing fast) - but for now, Harriet, I bid you a fond adieu...
So, our dear Harriet would want us to believe that this April she was reading (AND reviewing) slighly over ten (10) books a day on average. That's double (nearly) her Amazon life-time average of about six (6) a day (under her current account, beginning in the late November 1999).