Frankenstein's Monster in 311 Words

Meet "bernie."

Bernie is a top 500 reviewer.  He's been at it for a very long time -- longer than Harriet, even!  His first review was posted in May of 1999.

Bernie has developed a bad habit.  He likes to post the SAME REVIEW dozens -- or even hundreds -- of times.

Why, on July 24 and 25 of this year, he posted at least 68 reviews of A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs.  The exact same 146 words, over and over again.  On EVERY edition -- illustrated editions, annotated editions, even a CD-ROM.  Now HOW can those 146 words apply equally to ALL VERSIONS of this product?  Hmmm?  Oh wait, THEY CAN'T.  Some of our favorite quotes:

• "Written in 1912 this book is well written for its time..."
• "It is a tail worth reading..."
• "This is a part is a series by the writer that brought us 'Tarzan.'"

Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.  And NOT HELPFUL.

We also have:

• 18 reviews of 84, Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff (not all the same this time, though -- there seem to be a long version and a short version)
• 19 reviews of Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne (mostly 242 words)
• 23 identical reviews of George Orwell's Animal Farm
• 35 nearly-identical reviews of Ann Veronica by H.G. Wells
• 31 reviews of Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
• 27 identical reviews of Busman's Honeymoon by Dorothy L. Sayers
• 18 identical reviews of Dinosaur in a Haystack by Stephen Jay Gould
• 33 325-word masterpieces of Bram Stoker's Dracula
• 66 identical reviews of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
• 63 reviews of King Solomon's Mines by H. Rider Haggard (there seem to be two versions of this one)
• 43 reviews of On the Beach by Nevil Shute
• 46 reviews of Samuel Taylor Coleridge's The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (including audio, paperback, hardcover, and Kindle editions -- ALL OF THEM get the same 179 words)
• 20 reviews of Science and Sanity by Alfred Korzybski
• 29 reviews of The Duchess of Malfi by John Webster
• 28 reviews (or more) of The Dunwich Horror by H.P. Lovecraft
• 42 reviews of The Gods of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs
• 27 reviews of The Jewel of Seven Stars by Bram Stoker
• 29 reviews of The Odessa File by Frederick Forsyth
• 21 82-word wonders on The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester
• 35 reviews of The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham
• 21 reviews of The Time Machine by H.G. Wells (most around 205 words although there's at least one other version)
• 39 reviews of The Warlord of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs
• 21 reviews of Warrant for X by Philip MacDonald

And that's NOT EVEN ALL of the repeats.  The sad thing is, most of these so-called "reviews" don't even have votes.  We wonder why bernie is WASTING SO MUCH TIME?

As for the title of this post, well, there WERE 71 identical, 311-word "reviews" of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, although Ammy (rightly) saw fit to delete those (and don't get us started on the 200+ "reviews" of The Iliad that Ammy zapped last week -- although we see that 44 of THOSE WONDERS remain -- most at around 1372 words).

And now to clear our browsing history so Amazon doesn't recommend 71 versions of Frankenstein to US.  (One is more than sufficient, thanks.  And we won't be taking bernie's opinion into consideration when choosing an edition, either.)

Paging Dr. Oceanfront

Karma Police noticed that Ammy got a new top 10 reviewer the other day.  Congratulations, Dr. Oceanfront.  There's nothing suspicious about your rise through the ranks at all!  Oh no!  Why, just look at the other top 10 reviewers.  Most of them have been at it for years.  But you!  You caught the REVIEWING BUG in late 2013.  And you're ALREADY in the top 10!  With fewer than 10,000 votes (like your good friend Mandy Payne*).

In March of 2014, you were practically CHANNELING HARRIET KLAUSNER! (Click on the graph to enlarge it.)

Some BUSY, BUSY days:

• November 17, 2013 53 reviews!
• February 22, 2014, and March 10, 2014 24 reviews each!
• December 1, 2013 22 reviews!
• January 8, 2014, January 12, 2014, and March 11, 2014 21 reviews each!
• March 16, 2014 20 reviews!

And then there are the VOTES!

You had  1963 reviews posted as of September 8, 2014.  Of those:

• Only eleven had zero votes!
• 1083 had "1 of 1" pozzie!  Freaking amazing!
• Only 220 total negative votes!  Astounding!

How on earth do you do it?**

Oh, that's right.  You have help!  (Click to enlarge.)

Don't think there are supposed to be TWO PEOPLE writing reviews from the SAME ACCOUNT.  Guess that's why you deleted your comment, hmmm?  You can't HIDE THE EVIDENCE from Karma Police.  We are firm believers in screen shots, yes we are!

Comment was originally here:

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1Z1AF77837CH6/

Duplicate review was washed once (and probably will be again, that "2 of 8" it's currently showing might otherwise be a speed bump on your ROAD TO THE TOP!).

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1SFJ2YV6L6TA3/

Product links; look for "Dr. Oceanfront" among the reviews in case of future review "laundry."

NeuTab I7
Tagital T9

P.S. How HELPFUL is it for customers to write practically the SAME "review" for TWO DIFFERENT ITEMS?

P.P.S. Do the two of you have two separate Amazon accounts?  And if so, did you, perchance, get the BRIGHT IDEA to vote for "Dr. Oceanfront" with the other account?  You can sure rack up a lot of "1 of 1" pozzies that way!  Why, you should get together with the supplement shills.  You'd be UNSTOPPABLE!

P.P.S. With all that effort you're expending, you might consider going out and getting a JOB.  Then you could get paid in ACTUAL MONEY instead of free chargers, tablet cases, and various and sundry cheap Chinese imports.

P.P.P.S. Mac version of ARAT (xARAT) is particularly useful for Dr. Oceanfront, who figured out how to thwart the regular version of ARAT.  But we're a STEP AHEAD!

*Mandy's hijinks will be the subject of future posts in this series.  We've had our eyes (and our copy of ARAT) on her, too!

**Rhetorical question.  Ain't nobody legitimate posting that many reviews per day (every day).

Supplement Shills in the Top 10,000

Want to get into Amazon's Top 10,000?  Karma Police has got your recipe for success!


Step 1: Contact a sleazy supplement seller.  Lots of them are paying for reviews on Craigslist!  Or just type "Garcinia cambogia" into the Amazon search box (or "green coffee bean extract" or "raspberry ketones" or "branched chain amino acids" or the name of whatever snake oil is popular this week).


Step 2: Write a 2-line "review" of an unrelated product, preferably a health- or fitness-related product.  Be sure to include a link back to the supplement in your "review."


Step 3: Post a couple of other reviews.  You know, 'cause it will TOTALLY make your account look legit.  (Not.  But please, keep fooling yourself.)


Step 4: Repeat a couple of times.


Step 5: Watch the bot votes ROLL IN!  These folks did it and SO CAN YOU!

• George
• Justin
• Kate Lance
• Danny Lee
• Henry
• Arthur

Step 6 (bonus): Want to make it to the top 1,000 (see "Arthur")?  Write reviews for half a dozen sets of patio furniture (that you didn't purchase) and a crap ton of Kindle freebies!

Fraud Hattie Fake Reviews Month by Month

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug	Sep	Oct	Nov	Dec	Total	Avg
1999											12	80	92	46
2000	58	96	61	124	72	90	100	111	133	123	128	107	1203	100
2001	133	216	74	111	123	160	136	119	89	143	88	75	1467	122
2002	97	47	170	86	110	126	124	145	154	106	117	113	1395	116
2003	160	162	146	174	160	174	180	147	172	181	250	155	2061	172
2004	117	162	236	173	133	190	173	127	244	327	157	100	2139	178
2005	96	126	185	168	210	221	176	164	218	190	173	165	2092	174
2006	147	202	230	215	248	167	220	207	253	191	218	236	2534	211
2007	129	204	233	212	195	210	212	206	209	347	86	212	2455	205
2008	131	249	215	211	208	214	202	249	234	192	227	148	2480	207
2009	256	215	272	196	288	202	203	274	243	307	215	176	2847	237
2010	228	214	202	314	219	210	282	151	231	294	188	193	2726	227
2011	184	229	204	306	168	219	219	289	230	210	215	163	2636	220
2012	214	203	219	195	214	189	215	215	198	229	117	72	2280	190
2013	101	91	87	99	120	106	93	93	92	117	84	62	1145	95
2014	71	89	105	71	82	89	69	82					658	82
Total	2122	2505	2639	2655	2550	2567	2604	2579	2700	2957	2275	2057
Avg	141	167	176	177	170	171	174	172	193	211	152	137