Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Harriet Klausner and an Amazon Customer

*This is based on the Fox and the Crow fable*

Once upon a time, Klausner got alerted by Amazon's trolls that a customer was browsing through their book department. So within a fraction of a second, a "review" materialized on an author's page.

Klausner "spoke" to the customer through her fabricated, sloppily-written review. In addition to being born as the speediest reader/reviewer on the face of this planet, she was also born with the gift of mind-reading.

"Good morning, "screeched Klausner. "You look like you want to buy this book!"

"Well, duh, it's not like I'm shopping for socks. And btw: It's not even midnight yet," intoned the Customer.

"It is morning whenever I see a customer. Anyhow, I don't have time for idle chatter," yapped the ever- so-charming Klausner. (Visions of dollar signs began to flash in her eyes.) "You look like a fast-paced fan, so you will absolutely relish this engaging, exciting, action-packed book! The twenty-seven-years old protagonist is divorced because of his wandering, bulging lower-head! It is non-stop, never slowing down, and over the top of Mt Mont Blanc!"

"Gee, I don't know... You sound like an awfully pushy marketer," replied the Customer.

"TRUST ME! You wouldn't be shopping at Amazon if you didn't view it as a reliable organization! I am the backbone of this company as well as a regular customer! I wouldn't be speaking to you right now if Amazon thought I was less than qualified!"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. Amazon is a highly reputable company. They wouldn't jeopardize their pristine reputation by allowing an unscrupulous marketing agent to target their customers."

So, the foolish Customer voted YES to Klausner's crap and bought the book based on her outright lies and marketing schemes, while Klausner cackled all the way to the bank.

The following day, the Customer let out a huge wail when she realized that the book she bought was boring, slow-paced, and as action packed as a ladybug crawling through peanut butter! Above all,
there was no mention of lower-heads!! The protagonist wasn't divorced; he was widowed!

"How could you?!" cried the customer.

"You shouldn't trust flatterers and I am the biggest flatterer and liar on Amazon!" said Klausner while wearing a self-satisfied grin.
The moral of the story: Do not trust a Klausnering review.

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