Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Harriet Goes to the Movies

We all knew the Mad Hattie liked to read pornography.  But did you know she also liked to watch it?
  • "the Devil and Muss Jones make a wonderful pairing" (link)
  • "the female protagonist uses a Devil and Miss Jones opening gambit" (link)
  • "mindful of the climax in the Devil and Ms. Jones" (link)
  • "The Cable Channel and Miss Jones (though the only devil is Jeff)" (link)
  • "most exotic dreams this side of Ms. Jones (the devil and not Bridget)" (link)
  • "story line will remind fans of the Devil and Miss Jones" (link)
  • "the plot will remind older XXX aficionados of the movie The Devil and Ms. Jones" (link)
  • "led to the teen meeting thirtyish married "King of Porn" star John Holmes" (link)
  • "mindful of Harry Reems' terrific character Dr. Young from Deep Throat (the Lovelace movie not any of the president's men)" (link)
  • "mindful of Harry Rheems' "bandaged" character in Deep Throat" (link)
  • "I kept expecting him to wear bandages as Dr. Young (Harry Reems) did in Deep Throat" (link)
  • "since the classic top ever state seller Deep Throat" (link)
  • "Mafia's showing of Deep Throat" (link)
  • "Perhaps the most famous porn star of the 1990s perhaps since Deep Throat, Ms. Jameson was a Vegas cheerleader with a cop for a father" (link)
* I am not responsible for any losses of appetite or incidences of illness as a result of readers considering the implications of Hattie's knowledge of or reference to pornography.
** All misspellings and typos are Hattie's, not mine.

ETA: I know Harriet doesn't actually read anything, porno or otherwise...

25 comments:

Chick Pilot said...

Okay, that's just...gross. The ick factor, for me, is the fact she apparently knows what role Harry Reams played and the fact he was bandaged ( I don't even want to know where). That means she actually WATCHED the movie. Porn itself doesn't necessarily creep me out. It's Harriet Klausner and porn that makes it yucky.

Thomas "Duffbert" Duff said...

Stop... just stop. PLEASE!

Chick Pilot said...

Oops, looks like I misspelled Harry Reems' name (altho' I noticed H spelled it more than one way).

Sneaky Burrito said...

She must've really thought Harry Reems's character was great because she specifically referred to him multiple times.

And well, we all know Harriet can't spell anyone's name worth a crap (even her own...).

Chick Pilot said...

Well, my understanding is that Mr Reems was quite generously endowed. Unusually so, in fact. Guess poor Stanley/Mikey just doesn't measure up. Who said size doesn't matter? I can just hear Harriet, "Yo, Stan. More hose...you're not reaching the fire!"

Sneaky Burrito said...

Funny, that wasn't mentioned in his obituary (not that I'm disputing the fact -- I wouldn't know). I guess the New York Times isn't interested in such details:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/21/arts/harry-reems-pornographic-film-star-of-deep-throat-dies-at-65.html?_r=0

Chick Pilot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chick Pilot said...

Google " Harry Reems"and "well-endowed"...lots of stuff comes up (did I just write that?).

Oh and tthe following (from tweets following his death) is just...wrong...but freaking hilarious in my opinion:


“Trousers Everywhere are at Half Mast for #HarryReems. The Latest Dead-lines: Harry Reems Thrust Into One Last Box “

Honoring the memory of Harry Reems by continuing to feel inadequate.

RIP, Harry Reems. Didn't play baseball, but he had a pornstache that shamed Bobby Grich's. And he swung a mighty bat. 

Bev said...

Putrid Pornographic Posts Prompt Pervasive Puking.

Bev said...

Relishing Reems Results in Reprehensible Redundant Repugnance.

Bev said...

Decadent Deep Throat Ditties Destroy Decency.

Bev said...

Endowed Entertainer Ends up Everlastingly Enterred.

Bev said...

Ok, I cheated. I know it's "interred".

Crude Commentary Causes Convulsive Consternation.

Correct?

Chick Pilot said...

Oh Bev,

Beautiful! So glad I'm not the only one who can giggle over gross humor. I bow to your beautiful, bountiful, bombasticly bodacious broadsides. Well done.

Bev said...

Bev's Bowing, Beaming at your Bravo.

Bev said...

Correction:

Enthusiasticly Endowed Entertainer Ends up Eternally and Everlastingly Embalmed.

Bev said...

ETA: EnthusiasticALLY Endowed Entertainer Ends up Eternally and Everlastingly Embalmed.

Egads.

Bev said...

Many Mourners Memorialize Man's Massive Member.

Malleus said...

LOL. That's an especially nice one. Harriet is really well-known by now, she's our darling, isn't she.

Bev said...

Dame is Definitely our Diminutive Darling Dumpling (Does Dallas?).

Really, Retroactive Reems Reminiscences Require Repeated Retchings.

Sneaky Burrito said...

Bev, I am exhausted and a bit frustrated this morning, so thanks for the laugh!

Bev said...

Pshaw. Pleased as Punch to Provide Pastime.

Bev said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sara said...

Sneaky,
And there goes my appetite... I was just thinking of fixing myself a sandwich. Your disclaimer ought to go at the top of the page, not the bottom. :P

Great post, BTW, even though it did leave me feeling a little bit ill.


Bev,

I absolutely love, love, love your alterations! Keep 'em coming! Please post 'em here! It would be a shame to have them get axed by Hattie's Defenders.

Bev said...

Sara,

Gracias! Grateful for Gushings...