Harriet's Grocery List

This is for all the people out there who have made New Year's resolutions to lose weight and are starting to doubt if they'll be able to stick with them.  (By which I mean that you'll never want to eat again after reading this...)

• Bananas and cherries: "Though he believes that Skye is after his banana, he rejects her because he plans to marry someone else. However, as Skye and Clint become more familiar with one another both reconsider their previous positions and now they want his banana and her cherry married, but must persuade the other that their respective fruit is passion."
• Bananas (again): "The fun storyline is an overused theme yet Christie Craig provides a fast-paced tale starring two protagonists battling over banana sandwiches while falling in love."  (If you don't get this one, look up "banana sandwich" on Urban Dictionary.  Or don't.  You've been warned.)
• Chocolate, honey, and cherries: "Readers will appreciate this XXX amusing chase in which the heroine dangles her chocolate coated cherry at a hero who salivates for a dip in the honey pot, but tries to avoid his and her desires."
• Cherries (again): "He took her cherry, but dumped her with no explanation."
• Cherries (yet again): " She would loathe her sex life, but that has been non-existent for fifteen years since she lost her cherry in the back of Barry's pick-up truck."
• Honey (again): "The women with his one dip into their honey pot are deemed ready for marriage, but he must remain alone and aloof."
• Melons: "In Vancouver Sophie Kintock can not believe that her boyfriend of six years, anal Doug Chase, dumped her for a tall blond bimbo Melanie the melons." 
• Honey, vinegar, cucumbers, and hot peppers:"She decides to try honey instead of vinegar; red hot pepper instead of cold cucumber."
• Nuts: "However, the opportunity eventually arrives when her former commander General Barnes needs her help at the Santa Fe Film Festival to protect spoiled film star Marisa Connors, who Cleo knows as a pit-bull with nuts caught in an animal trap; Alex heads the gala which includes a North Korean communications expert that the military wants on their side." 
• Sausage: "In Skagway, she made friends with Keenan Crawford the butcher, but fled when her groom tried to rape her; she muses he can stuff his sausage elsewhere."
• Meat: "In England Paul Mackrell wants to be considered a serious writer, but his addiction to cyber sex induced serial masturbation leaves no blood for his other head to write with; in other words even when he is not beating the meat he suffers from writer's block."
• Buns and pumpkin pie: "Each contains reasonably solid lead characters like Carol Curley Locks wanting a commitment from her hot boyfriend who hides his heated darkness from her, Peter giving new meaning to eating pumpkin pie, Georgie wanting more than just stealing kisses and Marcie understanding the true meaning of hot buns, etc."
• Asparagus: "This compilation is fun, well written while readers gain insight into the "oddments from the mind" of a writer who makes his personal look at life a lot more interesting than canned asparagus (think what those shoots look like) or is it spinach?"
• Carrots, chocolate, and strawberries: "Adding to her chagrin every step forward is two giant steps backward as he seems to regress with the only carrot to modify his behavior is sharing his bed; the only thing in her mind (and body) better than chocolate strawberries."
• Pretzels: "The first Soulfire jocular urban fantasy is an over top satire that hilariously lampoons the sub-genre (including Stephanie Rowe's own comedic Goblet of Eternal Youth tales - you will never look at a pretzel the same way) with amazing cross-breeding species, killing star-crossed lovers and trained killer warriors relaxing with knitting."

I have no doubt there are more, by my mind is nowhere near as dirty as Harriet's.  Maybe we'd all be better off subsisting on a diet of RELISH.