Sunday, January 13, 2013

Something Wicca This Way Comes

Once upon a time, a malevolent witch named Harriet Klausner lived with her husband Stan and their only child. Harriet was a retired librarian – at least that’s what she told everyone.  In actuality, she was laid off from her job because she didn’t know how to use the Dewey Decimal System. She couldn’t afford to buy a broom that goes with her pointy hat and black cauldron.

“What’s the quickest way to make tons of money?” Harriet mused out loud while pacing down her block.
“What’s the quickest way to make tons of money?” mimicked a neighborhood boy.
“Shut your trap you little weasel! I am trying to think here!” Harriet snarled. Harriet loved little boys and girls as much as she loved Hansel and Gretel. Then it hit her! Copying is easy and doable! Plagiarizing is her ticket!
She hurried home and booted up her ancient PC. She contacted and various publishers and made a proposal they couldn’t refuse. “I can triple your sales.”
So Harriet began plagiarizing by the truck load. She couldn’t afford to take trips to the bathroom, so she used a bed pan in order to make her fraudulent career at Amazonland more efficient. 
The paycheck was lovely and she was able to afford to buy potions and worms and, puppy dogs’ tails. She was also able to buy hair dye in order to dye her white-haired cat black. Soon, she began to plagiarize books from different publishing houses and every person world-wide knew of her wicked ways.
Customers and authors of every state gathered together and complained about the evil witch until Amazon was forced to listen.
Amazon was sorry to let the wicked witch go – she was their favorite “customer.”
Authors and customers reveled in the success of banishing the evil witch from Amazonland. 
Meanwhile, the witch was forced to pawn her pointy hat and broom, while wondering if she should fake review utensils on her next evil project.

1 comment:

Malleus said...

Another great story! We will have a collected-works edition soon. Fan of the genre will relish... etc. :-)