Here ya' go Sara...hope this works!

SALAD DAZE (BASED ON A TRUE STORY)

It was a dark and stormy night. Inside a cozy (albeit cluttered) little ranch house in Morrow Georgia lived Mr. and Mrs Klausner.  Harriet Klausner was a little bored so she decided to spice things up a bit.  Donning her skin-tight hot pink sweat pants and matching sweatshirt (which had "I love a good salad" on the front spelled out with cucumber and asparagus letters) she sashayed up to her hubby Stan.  "Hey baby," she purred, " wanna play 'vegetable garden'?

You can be the rake and I'll be the hoe.  I'll even call you 'Mikey' if you like!". 

Stan, sitting in his purple velour La-Z-Boy,  took a swig of his Coors Light and said, "ah shuddup and go review a book."  Crushed but undaunted, Harriet suggested they rent some porn.  After another long drink of beer Stanley/Mikey reminded her of what happened the LAST time she went to Red Box for a porn flick.  "It turned out to be some boring '80's movie with a bunch of British guys running in slow motion." Harriet, pouting, said ,"well anyone could have made the same mistake.  I thought it was called 'CHERRIES of Fire.'".   

Stan reclined the La-Z-Boy and turned up the t.v. volume.   After all,  pink sweats (even skin-tight ones), porn  and veggies really couldn't compete with monster trucks and combine demolition derby.  

So in the end Stan opened another can of Coors and Harriet consoled herself with seven or eight Harlequin romance novels.  

The End.